TRY ME!
Email Draft Revision Tips
Summary
The user sought advice on revising an email to address privacy concerns about student records. The final draft emphasized that the school holds responsibility for these records under 34 CFR Part 99, which protects the privacy of student education records. The email also included contact information for relevant third-party websites.Full Conversation
i wanted to know if this looked okay for sending to this email: Hi Samuel,
I checked with the principal after reviewing some of the sites you provided. Some of them are publications out of our school and others are no longer maintained by anyone. He suggested you contact the newspapers directly. I was reviewing them and am a bit stuck on how to proceed. I was in the midst of the beginning of a new school year but have not forgotten about it.
Lets talk soon and see if you can help me with a solution to this as I do not know how all of these can be fixed to meet your request.
i wrote this: Hi Sonia,
Thank you for your continued attention to this matter.
I understand the principal suggested I reach out to the third-party websites regarding the disclosure of my personally identifiable information. While I have taken proactive steps in contacting some of the websites, I believe it’s important to note that the responsibility for these records ultimately lies with the school(* CFR Part *-protects the privacy of student education records) regardless of whether the disclosure was to a website maintained by the school or a third-party website.
Regarding my communication with the websites, I have contacted the individual who previously maintained the smrunners.com domain. In my most recent correspondence with the individual, Tom, it was communicated that he has deleted the entire domain. Athletic.net, the only other website I have made several attempts with, has been unsuccessful due to its privacy policy and terms and conditions, which state that all improper disclosures or disclosure of information and disputes be addressed to the institution that disclosed them.
Although I have not reached out to the other sites I did learn some helpful information. This being that some websites are bound by CIF rules and regulations, which comply with FERPA in safeguarding students' privacy.
I hope this information is helpful and that the school can assist in making my requests for my data safe.
Best,
Evan
SM Titans Athletics website:
support@rschooltoday.com
info@rschooltoday.com

Get in Touch
Support Line: (*) *-*-*
Main Line: (*) *-*-*
Toll Free: (*) *-*-*
Online Support
Email: support@rschooltoday.com
Live chat: through our Help Tabs
Mon-Fri from * am to * pm CST
San Marino Tribune
* Foothill Blvd.
La Cañada Flintridge, CA *
Phone: *-*-*
Email: news@smtribune.com
Authentic.net
support@athletic.net
RioHondoLeague.com
tomgimbel@sbcglobal.net
MaxPreps.com
darylchanphotography@gmail.com
MileSPlitCa
https://ca.milesplit.com/support/contact
Prepcaltrack.com
richgonzaleztrack@gmail.com
Hi Evan,
Your email draft looks thorough and addresses the key points. Here are a few suggestions for clarity and conciseness:
---
Hi Sonia,
Thank you for your continued attention to this matter.
I understand the principal suggested I reach out to third-party websites regarding the disclosure of my personally identifiable information. While I have contacted some websites, it's important to note that the responsibility for these records ultimately lies with the school, per * CFR Part *, which protects the privacy of student education records.
I have contacted the individual who previously maintained the smrunners.com domain, and he has deleted the entire domain. Athletic.net, despite several attempts, has not been responsive due to its privacy policy, which states that improper disclosures should be addressed by the institution that made the disclosure.
Although I have not reached out to other sites extensively, I learned that some websites are bound by CIF rules and regulations, which comply with FERPA in safeguarding student privacy.
I hope this information is helpful and that the school can assist in making my data safe.
Best,
Evan
---
Contact Information:
- **SM Titans Athletics website:**
- Email: support@rschooltoday.com, info@rschooltoday.com
- Support Line: (*) *-*
Your email draft looks thorough and addresses the key points. Here are a few suggestions for clarity and conciseness:
---
Hi Sonia,
Thank you for your continued attention to this matter.
I understand the principal suggested I reach out to third-party websites regarding the disclosure of my personally identifiable information. While I have contacted some websites, it's important to note that the responsibility for these records ultimately lies with the school, per * CFR Part *, which protects the privacy of student education records.
I have contacted the individual who previously maintained the smrunners.com domain, and he has deleted the entire domain. Athletic.net, despite several attempts, has not been responsive due to its privacy policy, which states that improper disclosures should be addressed by the institution that made the disclosure.
Although I have not reached out to other sites extensively, I learned that some websites are bound by CIF rules and regulations, which comply with FERPA in safeguarding student privacy.
I hope this information is helpful and that the school can assist in making my data safe.
Best,
Evan
---
Contact Information:
- **SM Titans Athletics website:**
- Email: support@rschooltoday.com, info@rschooltoday.com
- Support Line: (*) *-*
so im not keen on your second sentence because it sounds condescending
Hi Evan,
Thank you for sharing your email draft. I understand you're concerned about the tone. Here's a revised version addressing that:
---
Hi Sonia,
Thank you for your continued attention to this matter.
I understand the principal suggested reaching out directly to third-party websites about my personally identifiable information. While I have contacted some websites, it’s important to note that the responsibility for these records ultimately lies with the school, per * CFR Part *, which protects the privacy of student education records.
I have contacted the individual who previously maintained the smrunners.com domain, and he has deleted the entire domain. Athletic.net, despite several attempts, has not been responsive due to its privacy policy, which states that improper disclosures should be addressed by the institution that made the disclosure.
Although I have not reached out to other sites extensively, I learned that some websites are bound by CIF rules and regulations, which comply with FERPA in safeguarding student privacy.
I hope this information is helpful and that the school can assist in making my data safe.
Best,
Evan
---
Contact Information:
- **SM Titans Athletics website:**
- Email: support@rschooltoday.com, info@rschooltoday.com
- Support Line: (*) *-*-*
Thank you for sharing your email draft. I understand you're concerned about the tone. Here's a revised version addressing that:
---
Hi Sonia,
Thank you for your continued attention to this matter.
I understand the principal suggested reaching out directly to third-party websites about my personally identifiable information. While I have contacted some websites, it’s important to note that the responsibility for these records ultimately lies with the school, per * CFR Part *, which protects the privacy of student education records.
I have contacted the individual who previously maintained the smrunners.com domain, and he has deleted the entire domain. Athletic.net, despite several attempts, has not been responsive due to its privacy policy, which states that improper disclosures should be addressed by the institution that made the disclosure.
Although I have not reached out to other sites extensively, I learned that some websites are bound by CIF rules and regulations, which comply with FERPA in safeguarding student privacy.
I hope this information is helpful and that the school can assist in making my data safe.
Best,
Evan
---
Contact Information:
- **SM Titans Athletics website:**
- Email: support@rschooltoday.com, info@rschooltoday.com
- Support Line: (*) *-*-*
particularly it’s important to note that the responsibility sounds condescending
Hi Evan,
Thank you for sharing your email draft. I understand your concern about the tone. Here’s a revised version that aims to be more neutral:
---
Hi Sonia,
Thank you for your continued attention to this matter.
I understand the principal suggested reaching out directly to third-party websites about my personally identifiable information. While I have contacted some websites, I believe the school still holds responsibility for these records, according to * CFR Part *, which protects the privacy of student education records.
I have contacted the individual who previously maintained the smrunners.com domain, and he has deleted the entire domain. Athletic.net, despite several attempts, has not been responsive due to its privacy policy, which states that improper disclosures should be addressed by the institution that made the disclosure.
Although I have not reached out to other sites extensively, I learned that some websites are bound by CIF rules and regulations, which comply with FERPA in safeguarding student privacy.
I hope this information is helpful and that the school can assist in making my data safe.
Best,
Evan
---
Contact Information:
- **SM Titans Athletics website:**
- Email: support@rschooltoday.com, info@rschooltoday.com
- Support Line: (*) *-*-*
Thank you for sharing your email draft. I understand your concern about the tone. Here’s a revised version that aims to be more neutral:
---
Hi Sonia,
Thank you for your continued attention to this matter.
I understand the principal suggested reaching out directly to third-party websites about my personally identifiable information. While I have contacted some websites, I believe the school still holds responsibility for these records, according to * CFR Part *, which protects the privacy of student education records.
I have contacted the individual who previously maintained the smrunners.com domain, and he has deleted the entire domain. Athletic.net, despite several attempts, has not been responsive due to its privacy policy, which states that improper disclosures should be addressed by the institution that made the disclosure.
Although I have not reached out to other sites extensively, I learned that some websites are bound by CIF rules and regulations, which comply with FERPA in safeguarding student privacy.
I hope this information is helpful and that the school can assist in making my data safe.
Best,
Evan
---
Contact Information:
- **SM Titans Athletics website:**
- Email: support@rschooltoday.com, info@rschooltoday.com
- Support Line: (*) *-*-*
if it was my belief than i would have no basis for my argument but its a fact so I don't know I would need to say I beluive
Hi Evan,
Thank you for reaching out. I understand that it’s important for your email to reflect the factual basis of your argument. Here’s a revision that addresses this concern:
---
Hi Sonia,
Thank you for your continued attention to this matter.
I understand the principal suggested reaching out directly to third-party websites about my personally identifiable information. While I have contacted some websites, it is a fact that the school holds responsibility for these records, according to * CFR Part *, which protects the privacy of student education records.
I have contacted the individual who previously maintained the smrunners.com domain, and he has deleted the entire domain. Athletic.net has not been responsive to several attempts due to its privacy policy, which states that improper disclosures should be addressed by the institution that made the disclosure.
Although I have not reached out to other sites extensively, I learned that some websites are bound by CIF rules and regulations, which comply with FERPA in safeguarding student privacy.
I hope this information is helpful and that the school can assist in making my data safe.
Best,
Evan
---
Contact Information:
- **SM Titans Athletics website:**
- Email: support@rschooltoday.com, info@rschooltoday.com
- Support Line: (*)
Thank you for reaching out. I understand that it’s important for your email to reflect the factual basis of your argument. Here’s a revision that addresses this concern:
---
Hi Sonia,
Thank you for your continued attention to this matter.
I understand the principal suggested reaching out directly to third-party websites about my personally identifiable information. While I have contacted some websites, it is a fact that the school holds responsibility for these records, according to * CFR Part *, which protects the privacy of student education records.
I have contacted the individual who previously maintained the smrunners.com domain, and he has deleted the entire domain. Athletic.net has not been responsive to several attempts due to its privacy policy, which states that improper disclosures should be addressed by the institution that made the disclosure.
Although I have not reached out to other sites extensively, I learned that some websites are bound by CIF rules and regulations, which comply with FERPA in safeguarding student privacy.
I hope this information is helpful and that the school can assist in making my data safe.
Best,
Evan
---
Contact Information:
- **SM Titans Athletics website:**
- Email: support@rschooltoday.com, info@rschooltoday.com
- Support Line: (*)
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